Undelievered..
Here is something I want to let you know, whether you care or not, and I believe, in form of such, it would be, for now probably, the best to say it to you. Here goes..
Everyone can see from you, the great quality of your characteristics. You're kind and caring, especially the fact that you care more for other than you do yourself. You're honest and loyal. You always keep things to yourself, even with what is troubling you. You rather believe in everything people, or I say, whether it can be a lie. You're extremely polite and always think for others in their perspectives. You're smart and also have outstanding memories, though sometimes you're a little forgetful. You do know what's righteous and know when to say no and stop what's not suposed to happen. The best of all is when you told me that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I understand how precious such thought is. Also, you hold the dearest heart when you said you do not want to lose anyone.
Everyone, anyone, as long as they pay attention, can notice and see how wonderful you are. I did, and I fell for these incredible qualities of yours. Furthermore, your eyes, your laughter, and everything you have from you, I have learned to like them through time. What stroke me deeply is when you said that you would believe me, that you would choose to trust me whether I am lying or telling the truth. These are all the things, reasons, I told you about how I like you. However, it has turned out to be far more than what I thought it was. When I heard about that He sometimes plans something else ahead as he was supposed to take you out, when I saw that you were asked to help and thus maybe acquire an opportunity to further your career with Suika here in Vancouver, the next thing I saw was that you could not even have a break for working more than eight hours, and when I heard your voice cracked, knowing how it happened, and no one attempted to care, I sought deep inside and I knew the sharp pain and anger rose for a definite reason. The feeling I have for you has grown far more than I have anticipated. Not to mention, who would have allowed himself to be hurt continuously IF the reason was for something else.
Nevertheless, all of these have been a mistake. What and why? you may ask. The mistake is me allowing such feeling, the feeling of liking you, caring you, and loving you to grow. If I did not have done so, none of the troubles, worries about hurting people, concerns about losing someone, would not have been around. When you said you do not want to hurt anyone, have you realized that the only feeling you have stomped heartlessly upon is a person who has attempted to truly care and reveal his heart to you? And so I have often blamed the fault on you, unuttered. However, this person realized he only continued to make more mistakes by doing so. One should not blame his own mistake on others, I realized. It was all my fault because it was me who put you in such difficult situation. Over and over again, all I want is your life to be simple and happy. I am willing to believe how important He is to you, and this is why I know no matter how much I did for you I can only be as good as a co-worker and a normal friend. I sincerely wish that one day He can realize how important you are and one day you can find happiness with each other.
You did not hurt anyone and you did not lose anyone. Some people, while you're not aware, simply disappear from you or walk out of your life, and this is what I have decided to do. There is nothing to feel bad about. I am sure this will not keep you down for too long and this shall be better for your life. As whoever can care for you, I know I do not deserve such honour and pleasure. My feeling is rubbish, unworthy, and expandable to you. I am not going to linger around anymore since for now it really does no good deeds to anyone, especially you.
Knowing you, being able to get to know you much like this, I dare to say, I am already the happiest person on the face of the earth. However, as I keep involving myself in your life, knowing you are not gonna be happy like this, such happiness only makes me guilty. What's happening right now, with me out of your life, will not alter any of what I promised you, but it definitely will make your life much better and happier. I really do not wanna do so since I love watching your eyes while they are looking back, but I do not appreciate every single moment when I was the one who made them tear, because I know deeply that those tears were not meant for me at all. So, I am also willing to let myself be gone from those beautiful eyes and.. you.
One last thing, I would like to thank you for everything and the many times you have troubled yourself to walk out of your way for me so I could make you what you wanted to eat, and I could have the most beautiful and unforgettable nights with you, these moments I dearly treasure. Aslo, what you said, "I know I will be really happy if I am with you," I still do not get the meaning that made you said so, but I am truthfully grateful. I will always remember it and hope that one day it would be allowed to come true.
Love.
